mamas, don't let your babies grow up in the village
I don't want to be mean. I didn't even want to write a review about The Village (04), but I was told that it was my duty. So, here it is. If you don't want to know what happens in the film (and trust me, after you know - you wont ever remember a time when you cared) than stop reading now, because I fully intend to give everything away. I guess that's the kind of mood watching this movie puts you in. So, what is director M. Night Shyamalan's new film all about then? I'm glad you asked, oh and you want me to give the super-secret neat and nifty twist ending away too? Fan-freakin-tatstic. Let's begin...
The film begins as a small, close-knit Quaker-like community is having a funeral, for what appears to be a small child - based on the size of the casket (the specifics of this scene are never revealed because the film's writer: also M. Night, obviously forgot about the opening scenes after he started setting his sights on the up-coming twists). So, what do we see - besides William Hurt and Brendan Gleeson looking like extras from Cold Mountain (03)? We watch a man saying his tearful goodbyes to whomever was small enough to fit in that casket. Behind the man however is our first clue as to just where the hell this film is taking place. A tombstone reveals a date (presumedly the short lifespan of the deceased) ending in the late 1890s. So, there you have it. That is what we are supposed to believe is the time frame of the film. The film concerns: The Village, which is a small one-horse town surrounded on all sides by the most uninteresting-looking scenery that you are likely to ever see in a film of this caliber. It was shot in Pennsylvania afterall. We get a bunch of bright green leafy trees, also known as: The Woods. It is interesting to note that the original title of this film was (get ready): The Woods. M. Night dropped it because of another project in development at a rival studio with the same title. Anyway, back to the plot. Oh, I forgot - there really isn't any.
To make a long story short (too late), the elders of The Village, led by William Hurt (in a truly awful and uninspired performance - and it pains me to say this since I love this man's work) have raised several generations of children in this isolated community. The entire basis of their isolation is centered around the belief that there is a monster, or group of monsters who live in The Woods (known simply as "those we don't talk about" or some shit like that) and will kill just about anything. There rests a fragile balance between the men and the monsters: the people of The Village stay out of The Woods, and the monsters of The Woods stay out of The Village. The people grow their own food, make their own clothes and shelter, and above all else: have their own modern twentieth century greenhouse. I don't know if that was intentional or not (this is not the type of film that I care to invest any real research in) but at about just under the ten minute mark - they show this greenhouse. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't look like anything from the late nineteenth century. And it just seemed like there was an awful lot of electricity goin' on all over the place. These are some of the first real indicators that the film is not taking place in the era you are persuaded to think it takes place in. Well, that and the Kenneth Cole shoes and tailored suits that everyone is wearing. So, where was I?
Oh, right: the villagers (who all speak like they're trying-out for a new version of Oliver Twist - Dickens-speak that is) are all fucked up and racked with fear about leaving the "compound" (can anyone say, Waco?) - except for the elders of course. The young rebellious children (of various ages) are all wanting to venture out (as only nature would have it, right?) only every now and then an unexplained noise begins to bellow out from the woods, or a small furry animal turns up in one of their fields completely removed of it's flesh. Weird. "Don't go in the woods" the elders say. "Sure," say the children. That is until one of the daughters of William Hurt's character, Ivy, played by (new-comer and daughter of Opie himself, Ron Howard) Bryce Dallas Howard, who has to venture out to get medicine to save the life of her introverted and emotionally fragile would-be boyfriend (played by the scrawny-shouldered Joaquin Phoenix who is basically reprising his role from M. Night's Signs, 02) because he was knifed by the village idiot (played by Academy Award winner Adrien Brody in a truly awful performance) because he had a crush on the Ivy chick, but was now locked up in a room with a chair that looks really uncomfortable to sit in, while Joaquin's character is slowly dying in a bed from his stab wounds. Whew. Did I mention that Ivy was blind? Doesn't matter. Howard gives a very honest performance, and from the embarassing video-diary on the region 1 DVD, she was very grateful to get the role - but - she has to go down in history as giving one of the worst sightless performances of all-time. That's all I'm going to say about it. Judge it for yourself - but ask yourself just one question when watching it: do blind people run everywhere and look other's directly in the eye when talking to them?
Okay, so - before she leaves The Village to venture out through The Woods to get to: The Town (I know, that was a new development thrown-in) on the other side, her father tells her that the whole monster thing was made up and it was really the elders who dress up like porkupines and run around making scary noises (that are also never explained) - they sound like sea-otters mating or something. There's also some business about these big boxes that all the old folks have. What's inside? A bunch of personal affects from their previous lives. I'll explain later. So, Ivy heads out (eventually on her own, because chicks rule) but is soon attacked by a monster! But how could this be? Daddy said it was safe - except that The Village-idiot escaped from his room (and uncomfortable-looking chair) and now he's dressed in one of the elder-suits - running around trying to scare the poor blind girl. So, he dies a few minutes later by falling in a hole. Did I forget to mention that the film has absolutely no tension in it whatsoever? In addition to being staged and blocked like some kind of high school theater production. Often times people in the film will be having conversations with one another with their backs turned around. Why? Do you know anybody that talks like that? So, the blind chick runs through The Woods until she gets to a wall - she climbs the wall - and on the other side is...a road. And then a car pulls up. A young guy gets out. He is wearing a park ranger uniform. But he shows her no credentials so how do we know that he's actually a real park ranger and not just a dead person, or an alien? She tells him she needs some medicine. He says "okay" and he goes to get it. When he goes back to his little park ranger office (which could be a room on his space-ship made up to look like a park ranger office) he has to sneak the medicine out of this really huge glass cabinet that it would be virtually impossible to sneak anything out of - especially if your boss was sitting at his desk right in front of it. But luckily for the young alien - I mean park ranger, his boss is reading a newspaper like Ward Cleaver the whole time so he doesn't notice anything. We only see the kid's boss from behind, but we can see enough to tell that it's writer/director/hack M. Night Shyamalan holding up the paper. Hey, maybe he was reading the want-ads, because after the critical and box-office reaction to this movie, he's probably going to have to start looking soon.
As if just seeing the back of his smug, pretentious head wasn't enough, he makes sure that we know it's him by exposing his face in the reflection of the glass cabinet when the kid/alien/park ranger opens the door to lift a vile of the feel-good juice. After M. Night mutters something to the kid about 'somebody paying the airport to divert the local air-traffic away from the wildlife compound' that they are on a long time ago (no shit - I swear to God) the kid takes the medicine and leaves. He gives it to Ivy and she leaves. Then she returns to The Village and gives it to Joaquin and the movie ends. I hope I didn't make it sound too interesting to you. Was there enough of a twist, or rather a surpise ending for you? I hope so. M. Night does too. I'm personally hoping for world peace and an end to homelessness, world hunger, disease, racism and blind hatred. As far as The Village goes - I'm done.
On a side note, Roger Deakins' cinematography and James Newton Howard's score were both very good. But this is really bad, bad, bad, bad, stuff. Truly a poorly made movie. I can't believe the studio let him release it at all. But he's M. Night, ya know - he could make a movie about old people farting and it would get a theatrical release in every city in the world. I hope I just didn't give him an idea for a new project. I will sue if M. Night's next movie is about old people farting, and it's called: "Fartin' Around". I promise you that. Here's the thing, all of his films have been about exploring some type of mythology: The Sixth Sense was a ghost story, Unbreakable was about the comic-book mythos, Signs was about aliens and faith (a double whammy) and The Village was supposed to be about The Boogey Man. It wasn't. I don't know what it was about. And ya know somethin'? I don't care. I'm sure there's a message here - a four year old can get it. What happened to Shyamalan? I like his other films. Most people I know can't stand Unbreakable and Signs. I loved them both - even their faults (which are plenty). But this, this is just unforgivable. The other revelation in the film is the reasoning behind the elders and their ending up in the community in the first place. Remember the boxes? Basically, each of the core group leaders had some kind of horrible act befall them or someone they loved. They turned their backs on the society that turned it's back on them. They then all went to live in a wild-life preserve in PA - after paying the airport to divert all the air-traffic away from them so they could dupe their kids into thinking there was nothing outside of their little world and have them grow up to be fearful and potential stalkers, rapists, thieves, murderers, drug addicts, alcoholics and just plain deranged little screw-ups because that's what can potentially happen to people when they discover (which they all eventually will) that they've been living a lie. Ya know what? I'm not going to think about this anymore. This isn't smart - this isn't original and it sure as hell isn't interesting or thought-provoking. The only thing it provokes me to do is go finish my script for "Fartin' Around." I hear M. Night is looking for new material now.
no stars out of 5
Here's M. Night Shyamalan begging Adrien Brody and Joaquin Phoenix to sit next to him at the film's premiere...or at the very least, to show up.
I don't want to be mean. I didn't even want to write a review about The Village (04), but I was told that it was my duty. So, here it is. If you don't want to know what happens in the film (and trust me, after you know - you wont ever remember a time when you cared) than stop reading now, because I fully intend to give everything away. I guess that's the kind of mood watching this movie puts you in. So, what is director M. Night Shyamalan's new film all about then? I'm glad you asked, oh and you want me to give the super-secret neat and nifty twist ending away too? Fan-freakin-tatstic. Let's begin...
The film begins as a small, close-knit Quaker-like community is having a funeral, for what appears to be a small child - based on the size of the casket (the specifics of this scene are never revealed because the film's writer: also M. Night, obviously forgot about the opening scenes after he started setting his sights on the up-coming twists). So, what do we see - besides William Hurt and Brendan Gleeson looking like extras from Cold Mountain (03)? We watch a man saying his tearful goodbyes to whomever was small enough to fit in that casket. Behind the man however is our first clue as to just where the hell this film is taking place. A tombstone reveals a date (presumedly the short lifespan of the deceased) ending in the late 1890s. So, there you have it. That is what we are supposed to believe is the time frame of the film. The film concerns: The Village, which is a small one-horse town surrounded on all sides by the most uninteresting-looking scenery that you are likely to ever see in a film of this caliber. It was shot in Pennsylvania afterall. We get a bunch of bright green leafy trees, also known as: The Woods. It is interesting to note that the original title of this film was (get ready): The Woods. M. Night dropped it because of another project in development at a rival studio with the same title. Anyway, back to the plot. Oh, I forgot - there really isn't any.
To make a long story short (too late), the elders of The Village, led by William Hurt (in a truly awful and uninspired performance - and it pains me to say this since I love this man's work) have raised several generations of children in this isolated community. The entire basis of their isolation is centered around the belief that there is a monster, or group of monsters who live in The Woods (known simply as "those we don't talk about" or some shit like that) and will kill just about anything. There rests a fragile balance between the men and the monsters: the people of The Village stay out of The Woods, and the monsters of The Woods stay out of The Village. The people grow their own food, make their own clothes and shelter, and above all else: have their own modern twentieth century greenhouse. I don't know if that was intentional or not (this is not the type of film that I care to invest any real research in) but at about just under the ten minute mark - they show this greenhouse. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't look like anything from the late nineteenth century. And it just seemed like there was an awful lot of electricity goin' on all over the place. These are some of the first real indicators that the film is not taking place in the era you are persuaded to think it takes place in. Well, that and the Kenneth Cole shoes and tailored suits that everyone is wearing. So, where was I?
Oh, right: the villagers (who all speak like they're trying-out for a new version of Oliver Twist - Dickens-speak that is) are all fucked up and racked with fear about leaving the "compound" (can anyone say, Waco?) - except for the elders of course. The young rebellious children (of various ages) are all wanting to venture out (as only nature would have it, right?) only every now and then an unexplained noise begins to bellow out from the woods, or a small furry animal turns up in one of their fields completely removed of it's flesh. Weird. "Don't go in the woods" the elders say. "Sure," say the children. That is until one of the daughters of William Hurt's character, Ivy, played by (new-comer and daughter of Opie himself, Ron Howard) Bryce Dallas Howard, who has to venture out to get medicine to save the life of her introverted and emotionally fragile would-be boyfriend (played by the scrawny-shouldered Joaquin Phoenix who is basically reprising his role from M. Night's Signs, 02) because he was knifed by the village idiot (played by Academy Award winner Adrien Brody in a truly awful performance) because he had a crush on the Ivy chick, but was now locked up in a room with a chair that looks really uncomfortable to sit in, while Joaquin's character is slowly dying in a bed from his stab wounds. Whew. Did I mention that Ivy was blind? Doesn't matter. Howard gives a very honest performance, and from the embarassing video-diary on the region 1 DVD, she was very grateful to get the role - but - she has to go down in history as giving one of the worst sightless performances of all-time. That's all I'm going to say about it. Judge it for yourself - but ask yourself just one question when watching it: do blind people run everywhere and look other's directly in the eye when talking to them?
Okay, so - before she leaves The Village to venture out through The Woods to get to: The Town (I know, that was a new development thrown-in) on the other side, her father tells her that the whole monster thing was made up and it was really the elders who dress up like porkupines and run around making scary noises (that are also never explained) - they sound like sea-otters mating or something. There's also some business about these big boxes that all the old folks have. What's inside? A bunch of personal affects from their previous lives. I'll explain later. So, Ivy heads out (eventually on her own, because chicks rule) but is soon attacked by a monster! But how could this be? Daddy said it was safe - except that The Village-idiot escaped from his room (and uncomfortable-looking chair) and now he's dressed in one of the elder-suits - running around trying to scare the poor blind girl. So, he dies a few minutes later by falling in a hole. Did I forget to mention that the film has absolutely no tension in it whatsoever? In addition to being staged and blocked like some kind of high school theater production. Often times people in the film will be having conversations with one another with their backs turned around. Why? Do you know anybody that talks like that? So, the blind chick runs through The Woods until she gets to a wall - she climbs the wall - and on the other side is...a road. And then a car pulls up. A young guy gets out. He is wearing a park ranger uniform. But he shows her no credentials so how do we know that he's actually a real park ranger and not just a dead person, or an alien? She tells him she needs some medicine. He says "okay" and he goes to get it. When he goes back to his little park ranger office (which could be a room on his space-ship made up to look like a park ranger office) he has to sneak the medicine out of this really huge glass cabinet that it would be virtually impossible to sneak anything out of - especially if your boss was sitting at his desk right in front of it. But luckily for the young alien - I mean park ranger, his boss is reading a newspaper like Ward Cleaver the whole time so he doesn't notice anything. We only see the kid's boss from behind, but we can see enough to tell that it's writer/director/hack M. Night Shyamalan holding up the paper. Hey, maybe he was reading the want-ads, because after the critical and box-office reaction to this movie, he's probably going to have to start looking soon.
As if just seeing the back of his smug, pretentious head wasn't enough, he makes sure that we know it's him by exposing his face in the reflection of the glass cabinet when the kid/alien/park ranger opens the door to lift a vile of the feel-good juice. After M. Night mutters something to the kid about 'somebody paying the airport to divert the local air-traffic away from the wildlife compound' that they are on a long time ago (no shit - I swear to God) the kid takes the medicine and leaves. He gives it to Ivy and she leaves. Then she returns to The Village and gives it to Joaquin and the movie ends. I hope I didn't make it sound too interesting to you. Was there enough of a twist, or rather a surpise ending for you? I hope so. M. Night does too. I'm personally hoping for world peace and an end to homelessness, world hunger, disease, racism and blind hatred. As far as The Village goes - I'm done.
On a side note, Roger Deakins' cinematography and James Newton Howard's score were both very good. But this is really bad, bad, bad, bad, stuff. Truly a poorly made movie. I can't believe the studio let him release it at all. But he's M. Night, ya know - he could make a movie about old people farting and it would get a theatrical release in every city in the world. I hope I just didn't give him an idea for a new project. I will sue if M. Night's next movie is about old people farting, and it's called: "Fartin' Around". I promise you that. Here's the thing, all of his films have been about exploring some type of mythology: The Sixth Sense was a ghost story, Unbreakable was about the comic-book mythos, Signs was about aliens and faith (a double whammy) and The Village was supposed to be about The Boogey Man. It wasn't. I don't know what it was about. And ya know somethin'? I don't care. I'm sure there's a message here - a four year old can get it. What happened to Shyamalan? I like his other films. Most people I know can't stand Unbreakable and Signs. I loved them both - even their faults (which are plenty). But this, this is just unforgivable. The other revelation in the film is the reasoning behind the elders and their ending up in the community in the first place. Remember the boxes? Basically, each of the core group leaders had some kind of horrible act befall them or someone they loved. They turned their backs on the society that turned it's back on them. They then all went to live in a wild-life preserve in PA - after paying the airport to divert all the air-traffic away from them so they could dupe their kids into thinking there was nothing outside of their little world and have them grow up to be fearful and potential stalkers, rapists, thieves, murderers, drug addicts, alcoholics and just plain deranged little screw-ups because that's what can potentially happen to people when they discover (which they all eventually will) that they've been living a lie. Ya know what? I'm not going to think about this anymore. This isn't smart - this isn't original and it sure as hell isn't interesting or thought-provoking. The only thing it provokes me to do is go finish my script for "Fartin' Around." I hear M. Night is looking for new material now.
no stars out of 5
Here's M. Night Shyamalan begging Adrien Brody and Joaquin Phoenix to sit next to him at the film's premiere...or at the very least, to show up.
