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Saturday, February 05, 2005

quote of the week

" 'The most important thing is the story,' said George Lucas. 'Of course,' I replied. Because it usually is. But actually, with Star Wars it's not. Well, there's a kind of onrush of events, which are an excuse for startling explosions, wholesale incineration of military equiptment and personnel, odd and presumably extinct beasts, and a rainbow brilliance of amazing effects. The most important thing about Star Wars is the spectacle."

Christopher Lee from his autobiography, Lord of Misrule



Thursday, February 03, 2005

You'll Never Wiez in This Town Again

Every once in a while, a film comes along and changes everything. Citizen Kane, The Godfather, Star Wars, Pulp Fiction - and now dear readers, you may soundly add Pauly Shore is Dead (03) to that short list of ground-breaking films. Okay, so the only thing it may really break is wind, this is still probably the most entertaining film I have seen yet this year. Seriously. I laughed from nearly the first second (a hilarious scene with Shore and Charlie Sheen) till the end credits. I would call Shore a genius, like Welles or Coppola, but let's not go nuts. He did afterall write and direct the film. And it is howlingly funny. I am adding this film to an actual short list I have of films I can put on at any time, for any mood and they always put me in good spirits and keep my energy positive - films like: Trekkies, Waiting For Guffman, This is Spinal Tap, Ishtar, The Blues Brothers, Animal House, Caddyshack, Vacation, European Vacation, Real Genius, Ghostbusters, Free Enterprise and a few more I'm sure will come to me as soon as I log off.

In any case, rent Pauly Shore is Dead - especially if you can't stand Shore. This film is destined to become a cult item - at least it already is in my home. Shore makes fun of himself like I have seen no other Hollywood celebrity do in the history of the Hills. The list of famous people (A to C list) who join Shore on his self-loathing quest is too long (and too dense) to list here. Oh, fuck it - here goes: Ben Stiller, Sean Penn, Fred Durst, Tom Sizemore, Chris Rock, Whoopi Goldberg, Heidi Fleiss, Ellen DeGeneres, Kurt Loder, Pamela Anderson, A.J. Benza, Todd Bridges, Tommy Chong, Andy Dick, Snoop Dogg, Rick Ducommun, Perry Farrell, Hanson, Nicky Hilton, Paris Hilton, Clint Howard, Kato Kaelin, Tommy Lee, Michael Madsen, Jason Mewes, Matt Pinfield, Sally Jessy Raphael, Mitzi Shore, Jerry Springer, Scott "Carrot Top" Thompson, Verne Troyer, Vince Vaughn and Montel Williams just to name a few.

The scene where a young floozy asks an amorous Tom Sizemore if "he's the scary guy in all those movies" and he tells her "no, that's Michael Madsen" is priceless. For the fortunate viewer of this outstanding American showbiz parody - that's not the only scene that's worth the price of admission. Shore had nothing to lose in making this film, because according to him: he doesn't have any career left anyway. There is a scene toward the beginning (a flashback to 1997) where Shore and his friends are sitting in his living room watching the pilot episode of his failed and notoriously awful television show (it was Fox's single worst rated new show of all-time) that cuts back and forth between Shore, Ben Stiller in his living room and Bill Maher in front of his TV. Stiller calls his girlfriend in to see how bad it is, while Maher whispers to himself, "God I hate this country." When Shore reluctantly fires his PR people over the phone after his show is cancelled, the distraught agent wanders out of his office into the foyer and tearfully informs the whole firm - who then break into tears of joy and begin dancing around. It don't get much better than that folks.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars Highly Recommended

Britney Spears: "Who's Pauly Shore? Oh, he was on MTV before I was born, riiigghhht!"



Wednesday, February 02, 2005

last rites

Bela Lugosi died on August 16, 1956. An undated, unsigned note was found in his apartment. It read, in part:

"Perhaps some day...after the struggle, you will anchor at the harbor of your dreams."


The last film Lugosi "appeared" in was director Ed Wood's infamous, Plan 9 from Outer Space (59) and he shall forever be fondly remembered thanks to actor Martin Landau's Academy Award winning performance as the tortured film star in Tim Burton's masterpiece, Ed Wood (94).

Bela Lugosi: "Karloff? Sidekick? FUCK YOU! Karloff did not deserve to smell my shit! That limey cocksucker can rot in Hell for all I care!"
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: "What happened?"
Bela Lugosi: "How dare that asshole bring up Karloff? You think it takes talent to do Frankenstein? It's all makeup and grunting."
[Mocks Frankenstein]
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: "Bela, I agree with you 100%. Now, "Dracula," that's a role that requires talent."
Bela Lugosi: "Of course. Dracula requires presence. It's all in the eyes, and the voice, and the hands..."
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: [interrupting] "That's right. That's right. You seem a little agitated. You wanna to go outside and get some air?"
Bela Lugosi: "Bullshit! I'm ready now! Roll the camera!"



futurist

The Final Cut (04)

from imdb: "A mélange of 'Minority Report' meets 'The Conversation' by way of 'Gattaca' with Orwellian underpinnings that has the blossom of a thought-provoking scenario bludgeoned with surprising indifference and barely registered turmoil."

Sounds like another brilliant and internalized ("straight") performance from Williams in another pretentious and overly-stylized wanna-be modern Hitchcock (One hour Photo, 02). They keep giving him roles with amazing potential, that he keeps hitting out of the park - but it's not enough to just have Robin Williams in your film, you still need to build something up around him. Incidentally, one of the posters for this film makes it look less like a sci/fi thriller and more like one of Hitchcock's over-worked "wrong men" formulas. When are they going to get it right? If Hitchcock were alive today, he'd be making teen comedies with Lindsay Lohan. If you were him, wouldn't you?

check out the site here



lost classic

Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (74) written and directed by Sam Peckinpah, starring: Warren Oates, Isela Vega, Robert Webber, Gig Young and Kris Kristofferson

Availability: This item will be released on March 22, 2005 (from MGM) on DVD

The only movie directed by Sam Peckinpah that he had final cut on - all the others were recut by the studios - and one of the most under-rated films of the seventies. One of Peckinpah's "true" masterpieces and a lost treasure of maverick film-making. Oates was never better and this release on DVD (region 1) is long over-due.

Bennie (Oates): "You guys are definitely on my shit list!"



Shit Mountain

Me and the Missus decided to watch a little On Demand tonight - so we chose writer/director Anthony Minghella's epic Civil War romance, Cold Mountain (03), based on the novel of the same name by Charles Frazier. Believe it or not, I had never seen this film prior to tonight's viewing. I sat there, rather politely (unlike myself) and watched every miserable, cut-rate, sophomoric, over-blown, pretentious, dull and idiotic moment of it's 152 minute running time. In widescreen no less. Didn't matter. I will spare you any further horrible details (especially if you like the film - which I suspect most of you did not) and just say this: Cold Mountain - shit sandwich. Jude Law got nominated for an Oscar for this. Renée Zellweger won one. She was actually the best thing about the whole show. But I'm still not giving her any stars for it, since they basically only awarded her for being the only person to pull off a convincing Southern accent (and to make up for Bridget Jones and Chicago - why, I have no idea). I'll give it one star for Cillian Murphy's brief but intense scene, a half star for Philip Seymour Hoffman and another half star for Natalie Portman (both impressive in small roles) - but I will have to take away one full star for Giovanni Ribisi (doing his usual "retard" schtick) and subtract another full star for Jack White (as "Georgia") who belonged in this movie as much as Nicole Kidman did. And that brings me to Nicole Kidman. Woof. Minus eleven stars. She made me want to throw up everytime I saw her face or heard her speak. But there was an awesome (but tasteful) sex scene. Thanks anyway, Anthony, but I'm not adding anything back in for it. But wait, British actress, Eileen Atkins, had a wonderful bit part, so that accounts for 5 stars, and it took no less than 15 make-up artists to make Nicole Kidman look like a walking late 19th century Clinique ad. So I think that adds another star. I'll forgive Winstone, Gleeson, Gammon and Sutherland, well - because they're Winstone, Gleason, Gammon and Sutherland - but I'm only giving them one star for the total there. So, that leaves us at a negative 4 stars (I think) out of a possible 5 for Cold Mountain. What can I say, I was feeling generous tonight.

-4 out of 5



Tuesday, February 01, 2005

classic film of the week

Brides of Dracula (60) directed by Terence Fisher, written by Peter Bryan and Edward Percy, starring: Peter Cushing, David Peel, Martita Hunt, Yvonne Monlaur and Freda Jackson.

the plot (from imdb): "A young teacher on her way to a position in Transylvania helps a young man escape the shackles his mother has put on him. In so doing she innocently unleashes the horrors of the undead once again on the populace, including those at her school for ladies. Luckily for some, Dr Van Helsing is already on his way."

tagline: "In the privacy of a girls' school he sought his prey - turning innocent beauty into a thing of unspeakable horror!"

The ending was to have originally had the vampires destroyed by a swarm of bats. This ending proved too expensive to stage and shoot. The concept of this ending was recycled three years later for the climax of Hammer's, Kiss of the Vampire (63).

from britishhorrorfilms.co.uk:
"Brides Of Dracula is an astonishing film, which turns out to be more than the sum of its parts (and is only improved by the lack of the titular character). It begins with a palpable air of menace, and ends with some of the best scenes Hammer ever came up with - Gina's amazing resurrection (try not to feel a chill as the padlocks drop through the locks on the coffin, and she tells Marianne: "Say that you forgive me for letting him love me…"), an horrific baddie (the Baron looks vile in all his blood-crazed, bug-eyed glory), a fight scene which nearly eclipses the one in the first film, and the Baron's revenge on Van Helsing, which although cured in a vaguely illogical way, is breathtaking anyway. Stunning." This film has yet to surface on DVD in region 1.

This post is to commemorate the glorious career of Peter Cushing O.B.E., (The Gentle Man of Horror) the actor to which this film shrine is dedicated. With the help of a dear friend, I have secured a "priceless" little piece of Cushing memorabilia - a rare autograph and photo delictately preserved and handsomely mounted in mahogany, along with a photo of the late, great actor - courtesy of Jackie (thanks, Love) that I shall no doubt cherish for the remainder of my days.

Peter Cushings's Pain - Grille Brule:

"Place 1-2 slices (according to appetite) of brown bread under a grill set 'high'. When flames appear, it is done. Reverse until the other side cries for mercy. Do not scrape off the cinders. Served with butter and your favourite marmalade, plus a pot of Indian tea, it constitutes a meal that can be eaten any time of the day or night, and often is by Peter Cushing."



Monday, January 31, 2005

God save the Queen

Keisha Castle-Hughes (WHALE RIDER) as the new Queen of Naboo

The best Episode III spoiler pics all in one place...



Mr. Presidents

Emir Kusturica is to be President of the Jury for the 58th Festival de Cannes which takes place from May 11th to 22nd 2005.

Abbas Kiarostami is to be President of the Jury for the Caméra d'Or.



speaking the truth

My good friend, Mr. Adcock, over at DARKMATTERS recently reported: "her ex-boyfriend Michael Vartan has apparently told Us Weekly 'I heard (Elektra) was awful. (Jennifer) called me and told me it was awful. She had to do it because of Daredevil. It was in her contract.'"

I have never been afraid of finding a reason to post a pic of Jennifer Garner before, and this occasion should certainly be no different. Like Mr. Adcock, I have a new found respect for Garner - if the report is true (which I suspect that it is) and that is why she gets another pic posted below...

well, that's not the only reason.



Sunday, January 30, 2005

Clint Eastwood took home the Director's Guild award this weekend for his boxing drama, Million Dollar Baby - beating out fellow Oscar-nominee, Martin Scorsese (for The Aviator).

Hey, doesn't Martin Scorsese (center) kind of look like Estelle Getty, from The Golden Girls in this photo? He is flanked by 2 of my favorite maverick directors, Michael Mann (Heat, The Insider, Collateral) and Mr. Eastwood himself.



I recently saw one of the most terrifying things I have seen in a long time. I was at Tower Records (the arm-pit of customer service) when a friend pointed this out to me as we were checking out:

A Robert Davi doll. The funny thing is, unlike most of these Hollywood "replicas" - this one actually looked like the actor. I have since dubbed it: Mini-Davi. I resisted purchasing it (even though it was on clearance) but I have a feeling that this was not to be the last time I am to run into it. You know what bugs me - they'll put out a "Robert Davi" toy but they can't make a Peter Cushing as Van Helsing from Hammer's Dracula or a Baron Frankenstein statuette or anything? What kind of crazy world do we live in?

Also, check out the cover of this DVD...looks better than The Village, or Catwoman...



Shaun of the Dead
or a few good gags do not a zombie comedy make


What the hell happened here? Wasn't this supposed to be a clever little send-up of the Zombie film? Okay, okay - it was clever. It was also British. VERY British. That's not a bad thing - but it is a little disconcerting when characters forgo any type of real tension or plot development to talk about how many lumps of sugar they would like in their tea. I know what you're thinking: it's a British Zombie Movie! And it's a comedy! Of course they're going to have those obligatory conversations that have nothing to do with the action at hand. That's my point. Why have any "tea" jokes at all? Do something original. I loved the by-play between most of the characters in the film, that's one of co-writer and director Edgar Wright's finest accomplishments in bringing the film to life. Simon Pegg (who also co-wrote) plays the title character, Shaun, like he was giving the performance of a lifetime. And he probably did. An amazing debut starring role indeed. I thought I would be annoyed by his character just from looking at the posters and magazine photos of him in costume (with cricket bat in hand) but I was enthusiasically wrong about him. Just goes to show, you can't judge a book by it's cover. I can on the other hand judge a zombie movie.

Strictly as a "zombie film" the film fails. Badly. It falls flat on it's face. But I suspect the real reason for making this movie was to get a bunch of blokes together who enjoy each other's company and to turn in a highly entertaining film as a result. Well, according to LOTR director, Peter Jackson, this film was the most "entertaining" movie of last year. I disagree. Not because I can name what film I was entertained by the most last year (although as far as "British" films go, Ali G Indahouse would have to be up there) - but because I can honestly tell you that Shaun of the Dead is not that entertaining. It's the type of film you stumble into not knowing what to expect and then you're pleasantly surprised when it looks good (which it does) and it's not a complete ball of festering puss (like Van Helsing). Nick Frost, who plays, Ed (Shaun's slacker side-kick) was good - but not great. I felt there was a little bit of the old "Han Solo" rogue charm in him, but nothing is explored in depth to let any real potential shine. He's just a lay-about who's around to deliver a few well-placed jabs and one-liners that most of which were probably much funnier when the boys were sitting in the pub coming up with the lines in the first place. Frost and Pegg were flat-mates in real life, so their on-screen chemistry is real. It's just not something that I particularly want to sit through for an hour and a half. Kate Ashfield, Lucy Davis and Dylan Moran (rounding out the gang of zombie-afflicted Brits) were also good in their respective roles - but nothing extraordinary. I suppose with all the excellent gore effects and make-up jobs on display everywhere in the film - I was hoping for a little bit more in the script department. Oh, did I mention: the film needed a few re-writes.

It seems really long. There are serious pacing problems. I wasn't expecting an action/gore fest from the film, but even in the mundane everyday-life scenes, something was sadly missing. If Wright and Pegg would not have been so quick to bring their film to the screen - they really could have pulled off a nifty homage to Romero (Dawn of the Dead) as well as a perfect human relationship satire set in the English suburbs. I love the fact that this film was not set in a city (London) and it bares little resemblance to that other "important" British zombie flick of recent memory, 28 Days Later. Director, Danny Boyle's film (Later) is a brilliant and serious study of a society in crisis, with incredible attention to the lives and feelings of it's victims (humans and zombies alike) - but in Shaun we get bags of peanuts to the head and a few (but brief) well acted scenes. In particular, the scenes where Shaun is forced to dispose of both his mother and step-father (a wasted Bill Nighy) who are turned after bites from a couple zombies, were quite affecting. These moments of character revelation did not belong in this film. If they had honed the whole proceedings into a more thought-out study of faith, regret, conscience and responsibility - I would have sat back in awe. Sorry, that train simply stopped at another station.

Contrary to the tone of this review, I actually liked the film. I just wanted more from it. Alot more. And the hype was a little more than unnecessary. I don't like to watch a movie and think of all the ways I could have made it better while watching it. You may find enjoyment in Shaun of the Dead, especially if you like British humor. Everyone else may be gritting their teeth and waiting for the next zombie attack - which never really comes. I suppose there's something humorous in the fact that Shaun and his pals just run through the neighborhood streets wacking these "harmless" monsters on the head with various make-shift weapons, but maybe that's what's wrong with the whole film - it's just that: harmless. You are not missing anything by not seeing this film. If you are in the mood for a laugh, you could do much worse than renting Shaun, but then again you could also do alot better (watch Waynes World or Waynes World 2 instead). Roger Ebert gave this film 3 out of 4 stars. Curious, given the fact that he also gave Van Helsing 3 out of 4 stars. Even I do not feel that Shaun should be put on equal par with the extraordinarily bad Van Helsing. And because Ebert may himself be a "zombie", I will only say that Shaun of the Dead is like watching Lawrence of Arabia compared to the shit sandwich that is Van Helsing. Know what I mean?

3 out of 5 stars

Liz: "You, hang out with my friends? A failed actress and a twat?"
Shaun: "Well, that's a bit harsh."
Liz: "Your words, Shaun!"
Shaun: "I did NOT call Diane a failed actress!"



No stealing!